4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
