he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
