also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
