paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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