Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
