I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
