What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
