Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
