They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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