The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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