and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
