According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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