There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
