I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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