just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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