We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize