i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
