a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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