I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
ttyl tear gas
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
