my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
