a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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