I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
