I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
