absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
