you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
