Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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