I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
