Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
