The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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