she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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