For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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