now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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