as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
