I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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