Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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