i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.