my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.