You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..