i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
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oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.