I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
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Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own