Life is so much better after having sex.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold