So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
