before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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