do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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