I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
