Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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