i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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