Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
