I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
