Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this boner is exhausting
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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