Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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