wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
