I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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