Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
