Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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