Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
