I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!