if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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