An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Houston, we have a squirter
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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