I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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