I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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