Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
