If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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