I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
