We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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