I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
