I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
