I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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