She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
