I need help removing her.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it was like eating out sand paper
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
