Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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