Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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