she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
