I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
