Your tits are I can't wait for
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
